Adventures in My Mind
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Feb 28, 2005
OK. I’ve had nearly a day to digest and form opinions on last night’s Academy Awards show.
First thought: not so much … or at least the attempt at not so much
Perennial Oscar producer Gil Cates has previously, and unsuccessfully, tried to shorten the famously long telecast. Last night he pulled no punches in trying to keep things moving. He was a bit too zealous for my taste though. Some of the tricks he tried seemed to be just that: tricks.
The two most ham-fisted approaches were the handing out of awards in the crowd and lining up nominees on the stage. Both were clearly attempts to get the eventual winner of the awards closer to the statuette thereby avoiding the boring scene of these “lesser” winners strolling down the aisle from their Siberian haunts at the back of the theatre.
Admittedly, that is not good TV, but these awkward solutions were just plain disrespectful. While the popular appeal of some categories like art direction, sound mixing, and animated short may not extend past like-minded professionals, immediate family members, and dedicated cineastes like myself, these people are talented and dedicated professionals who often do more for the advancement of the film form than any of the highly played beautiful people who sit in the first 5 rows. Treating them like retarded members of the Royal Family or like the evening’s menu at the Chicken Ranch brothel demeans them as both human beings and as the representatives of the best and brightest in their respective categories. And for what? So the show could be 3 hrs and 15 minutes long instead of 3 and 30?
It’s a long show, Gil. Get over it and give the respect that the Oscar demands, especially for the people who can’t parlay their Oscar success into a $20 million paycheck for their next film.
Second thought: all Beyonce all the time
Oh, yes. She is bootylicious! But three songs? C’mon, Gil, give us break. She can sing … marginally well. She can dance … marginally well. She can shake dat ass … Very well! But last night she was completely out of her league.
She sang the first song from Les Choristes like the French language was a cold fish in her mouth. I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but where is Celine Dion when you need her?
The second from The Phantom sounded like tryouts for high school chorus. Sir Andrew Lloyed Weber’s piano accompaniment had all the earmarks of a patient music instructor leading his beautiful but under-talented chanteuse through vocal chord stretching exercise. Hey wait …
And the third was just simply beating a dead horse. Josh Groban sang Believe for The Polar Express with his usual class and distinction. I’m not sure why he needed Ms. Knowles (Yes, children she has last name.) assistance for last night’s show? Is she under contract with Disney (parent company of ABC) or something?
Third thought: Chris Rock … not
Chris Rock is a funny man. Chris Rock is an edgy man. Chris Rock is funny because he is edgy. Last night he was neither.
Watching him spout harmless jokes written by a writing staff that had the threats of The Congress’s new astronomical fines for indecency was at times painful. The only true moment of comedy came not from Rock but the famously unfunny Sean Penn when he felt that he needed to defend Jude Law from an earlier Rock joke - a joke that Rock included himself in.
This just in: Sean Penn’s sense of humor is suing him for abandonment and emotional distress. Get a grip will you, Spiccoli? It was really the only joke that worked all night.
The rest of the night Rock wavered back and forth looking alternately like a deer in headlights and the Bumble after Hermey pulled out all of his teeth. There was just no soul or inspiration to his performance. His constant remarks to Jay-Z seemed more a cry for help than comments on Jay-Z’s girl, the afore mentioned Ms. Knowles.
Overall
It lacked luster. There was no heart to it. I even found myself laughing at the usually nauseating Robin Williams because at least he was trying! But even his take on potentially gay cartoon characters felt like he was under threat to avoid the really funny stuff for fear of Janet Jackson inspired indecency fine.
I think it all goes back to Gil Cates and his extraordinary efforts to shorten the length of the show. Nothing developed. There was no dramatic tension. And even at over 3 hours, it felt rushed.
Chris Rock said it best when he joked that next year there will be a drive through Oscar lane where you get your Oscar and a McFlurry and keep moving.
It really was one of the worst in recent memory.
Finally
Is anyone else frightened of Hillary Swank? Every time she smiles or speaks, I fear that those huge, sharp, overly white teeth of hers will be the end of me!
Trilogy of Terror anyone?
0 Comments | Link to this post posted by Teddy 8:31 PM
